Love – can it be more or less??
Love is a deeply profound and complex human emotion, often defying straightforward explanations and definitions. At its core, love can be viewed as an unconditional acceptance and appreciation of oneself or another, involving care, empathy, and a desire for the loved one’s well-being. This exploration will delve into why we sometimes feel the need for more or less love, why we keep expectations in love, and why love can sometimes result in hurt.
The expression of love involves a diverse array of feelings, behaviors, and beliefs, which are influenced by a myriad of psychological, social, cultural, and biological factors. From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, love can be seen as a survival mechanism, promoting bonding and mutual aid, which are crucial for the survival of our species.
On a psychological level, love involves the interplay of multiple elements including attachment, intimacy, commitment, passion, and care. It’s often in the dynamics of these elements that we start to perceive love as being ‘more’ or ‘less’. The need for ‘more’ love could be linked to an increased desire for emotional intimacy, assurance, or care, while the feeling of ‘too much’ love might be related to an overwhelming sense of vulnerability or loss of autonomy.
Cultural and societal norms also play a role in shaping our perceptions of love. Cultures around the world have different understandings and expectations of love, which influence how individuals perceive, express, and experience love.
The expectation in love is a widely experienced phenomenon and is closely tied to the human propensity for prediction and desire for stability. As human beings, we have an innate tendency to form expectations based on our past experiences and societal norms. These expectations can serve as a guide, helping us navigate our relationships and giving us a sense of control and predictability.
However, expectations can sometimes lead to disappointment and hurt when they are not met. This can happen when our expectations are unrealistic or when they are not aligned with the other person’s capabilities or intentions. It’s important to note that unmet expectations don’t necessarily imply a lack of love, but rather a discrepancy between our desires and reality.
The concept of love being always 100% and none when there’s less, is a philosophical interpretation that holds love as a complete, all-encompassing emotion. When we truly love, we love wholly and unconditionally. This kind of love does not fluctuate but remains constant, irrespective of circumstances. This is the ideal form of love, the one we aspire to, where love is pure, unconditional, and complete.
Yet, in our human experience, we often find ourselves in a different reality, one where love is not always perceived as complete or constant. In these instances, love can sometimes lead to hurt. This is because love involves vulnerability. To love is to open ourselves up to another, to let them affect us in a deeply personal way. This openness can sometimes lead to pain, especially if the love is not reciprocated, if there’s a betrayal, or if the loved one is lost.
Moreover, it’s crucial to distinguish between love as a pure, selfless emotion, and our human interpretations and reactions to this emotion. While love in its purest form is unconditional and constant, our perceptions and experiences of love are influenced by our individual personalities, past experiences, emotional needs, and mental health.
So, when we say we want ‘more’ love, what we often mean is that we want more demonstrations of love – more time, more affection, more understanding, more validation. Similarly, when we feel hurt in love, it’s often not love itself that hurts us, but the actions (or lack thereof) that stem from it, or rather, our interpretation of these actions.
It’s important to acknowledge that while love is a universal emotion, our understanding and experience of love are deeply personal and unique. It is through our interactions with others that we learn about love, and through introspection, we deepen our understanding of it.
As we continue our exploration of love, let’s delve into the concept of ‘contagious’ love. The contagious nature of love is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history and neurobiology. As social beings, our survival and well-being are dependent on our ability to form and maintain relationships with others. Love, being a powerful emotional bond, helps us create these social ties and foster cooperation.
On a neurological level, the contagiousness of love can be explained by the presence of mirror neurons in our brain. These are a type of brain cell that responds equally when we perform an action or when we witness someone else perform the same action. When we see a loved one expressing love, our mirror neurons fire, causing us to mimic their emotional state internally. This neural ‘mirroring’ can result in us experiencing a similar feeling of love, making it seem as if love is ‘contagious’.
The shared experience of love enhances empathy, strengthens social bonds, and promotes communal harmony. It allows us to understand and share the feelings of others, contributing to our ability to empathize and connect on a deeper level. Moreover, when we see love being expressed, it often inspires us to express our own love more freely, spreading the emotion in a ripple effect.
However, as we navigate through the realms of love, we often come face-to-face with the reality of emotional pain. Why do we get hurt in love? It’s important to remember that love in its truest, most unadulterated form doesn’t cause pain. It is the conditions, expectations, and attachments that we often associate with love that lead to suffering.
We are often hurt when our expectations in love are not met. This could be because we expect certain behaviors from our loved ones, or we assume that our expression of love should be reciprocated in a certain way. When reality does not align with these expectations, it can result in feelings of disappointment, rejection, and hurt.
Furthermore, love inherently involves vulnerability. When we love, we open up, we share our innermost selves, our hopes, fears, dreams, and insecurities. This emotional openness leaves us susceptible to pain and hurt. If our vulnerability is not handled with care, or if our trust is broken, it can lead to deep emotional wounds.
Yet, it’s essential to note that the potential for pain should not deter us from embracing love. Love, even with its potential for hurt, brings a depth of emotion and a richness of experience that is unparalleled. The joy, connection, and growth that love can bring far outweigh the risks associated with it.
In addition, the pain that sometimes accompanies love can serve as a catalyst for personal growth and self-understanding. It can help us understand our emotional needs and patterns better, encourage us to develop healthier relationship skills, and foster emotional resilience.
In the grand tapestry of life, love weaves its own unique thread. It adds color, texture, and depth, making our human experience all the more vibrant and meaningful. Love, in its fullness, is not just an emotion; it is an experience, a journey. It is a journey of joy and pain, of connection and loss, of self-discovery and growth.
Understanding love in its entirety requires embracing its complexities, its highs and lows, its joys and pains. It involves recognizing that love is not merely about fulfilling our needs or desires, but about growth, understanding, and deep connection. It’s about seeing and accepting ourselves and others in our wholeness, with all our strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears, perfections and imperfections.
And while love can sometimes lead to pain, it also holds the promise of healing. Love has the capacity to heal wounds, bridge divides, and transform our lives in profound ways. So, despite its complexities and challenges, we continue to seek love, to give love, to be in love. For in the end, love is not just an emotion; it is a fundamental part of our humanity, a testament to our capacity for empathy, connection, and kindness. It is a force that binds us, nurtures us, and propels us towards growth and fulfillment.
Divinity – an escape to fear ?
As we delve into the concept of divinity, we encounter a landscape of varying interpretations and perceptions, shaped by the human quest for understanding and meaning. Divinity refers to the state of things that are believed to come from a supernatural power or deity, such as a god, or spirit beings, and are therefore regarded as sacred and holy. Such things are regarded as divine due to their transcendental origins or because their attributes or qualities are superior or supreme relative to things of the earthly world.
But why, one might ask, is divinity interpreted differently by different individuals and cultures? And how can something considered divine and universal also be understood subjectively?
While it may seem paradoxical, the reason lies in the intersection of the human cognitive apparatus with the profound mystery that the concept of divinity embodies. Even though divinity may represent universal principles or realities, the ways in which we understand, relate to, and express these principles are inherently influenced by our cultural, psychological, and experiential contexts.
Cultural factors play a significant role in shaping our views of the divine. Different religions and spiritual traditions have unique ways of conceptualizing and relating to divinity, reflecting their historical, cultural, and philosophical contexts. For instance, monotheistic religions like Christianity, Islam, and Judaism conceive of divinity as a single, all-powerful God, while polytheistic traditions like Hinduism and ancient Greek religion portray divinity in the form of many gods and goddesses, each representing different aspects of reality.
Psychological factors also contribute to the subjective experience of divinity. Our personal beliefs, emotions, experiences, and cognitive processes shape our understanding and experience of the divine. Some people might experience divinity as a personal relationship with a divine being, while others might perceive it as a transcendent state of consciousness or a profound sense of connection with all of life.
As for why divinity appears to wear ‘multiple masks,’ this is again a reflection of the diversity and complexity of human understanding and experience. Just as a multifaceted diamond reflects light in various ways, the concept of divinity can manifest in countless forms, reflecting the myriad ways in which human beings perceive and relate to the mystery of existence.
One might wonder: if the laws of nature are universal, why is our understanding of divinity so diverse? This discrepancy can be understood by considering the difference between objective and subjective realms of knowledge.
The laws of nature belong to the realm of objective knowledge. They can be studied, tested, and validated using the scientific method, which is designed to minimize the influence of individual bias and subjective perception. This is why scientific knowledge, including our understanding of the laws of nature, is largely consistent across different cultures and societies.
On the other hand, our understanding of divinity belongs primarily to the realm of subjective knowledge. It’s rooted in personal experience, cultural context, and introspective understanding, all of which are inherently subjective. While subjective knowledge can be deeply meaningful and transformative, it is also diverse and multi-dimensional, reflecting the complexity of human perception and experience.
Despite this diversity, there may be universal principles or realities underlying our various perceptions of the divine. These might include principles like the interconnectedness of all life, the transformative power of love and compassion, or the existence of a reality that transcends our ordinary perception.
However, just as a map is not the territory it represents, our concepts and images of the divine are not the divine itself. They are human-made representations, shaped by our cognitive capacities and cultural contexts. The divine itself, whatever it may be, likely transcends our human capacities for understanding and conceptualization.
To further elaborate, let’s consider an analogy. Picture a group of people standing around a magnificent sculpture placed in the center of a room, each person looking at the sculpture from a different angle. While they’re all observing the same object, the perspective they have of the sculpture is unique to their standpoint. Some will notice features that are invisible to others, while some aspects remain hidden to everyone. In essence, they are all viewing the same objective reality, yet their individual subjective experiences differ.
This analogy provides some insight into how people perceive divinity. Even though there may exist an objective divine reality (the sculpture), the way people perceive and experience it (their view of the sculpture) is dependent on their individual perspectives. These perspectives are shaped by a variety of factors including personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, religious beliefs, and individual psychological make-up.
In other words, the “masks” of divinity that different cultures, religions, and individuals see are representations tailored to their unique viewpoints and contexts. This diversity in divine interpretation does not necessarily imply that divinity itself is subjective or inconsistent, but rather that our understanding and experiences of it are.
Moving forward, it’s important to differentiate between the objectivity of the laws of nature and the subjectivity of our experience and understanding of divinity. The laws of nature operate independently of human perception or consciousness; they govern the physical world whether or not anyone is aware of them. Scientists strive to discover and understand these laws through a methodical, systematic process that aims to be as objective and unbiased as possible.
In contrast, our relationship with divinity is deeply personal and subjective. It depends largely on individual consciousness, belief systems, and experiences. Unlike the laws of nature, our experiences of the divine cannot be measured or empirically verified. They lie beyond the domain of scientific investigation and are instead in the realm of personal and spiritual exploration.
This doesn’t mean that our experiences of the divine are less “real” or valuable than scientific knowledge, just that they operate within a different sphere of human experience and understanding. Both realms – the objective and the subjective, the scientific and the spiritual – are crucial aspects of our quest for knowledge and meaning.
Many of the world’s religious and spiritual traditions point towards the possibility of experiencing divinity directly, beyond conceptual understanding. This direct experience, sometimes described as “mystical” or “transcendent,” is often said to transcend ordinary categories of thought and perception, providing a profound sense of unity, sacredness, or ultimate reality.
However, the path to such experiences is highly individual and cannot be standardized or prescribed. It often involves practices like meditation, contemplation, devotion, ethical living, or service to others, aimed at cultivating qualities like mindfulness, compassion, humility, and openness to the divine.
Ultimately, our understanding and experience of divinity are part of the rich tapestry of human existence, reflecting our deepest yearnings, questions, and potentials. They invite us to explore the mysteries of life, to cultivate virtues and wisdom, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. Despite the diversity of divine interpretations, they all point towards a reality that transcends the limitations of our ordinary perception, inviting us on a journey of discovery, transformation, and awakening.
The Journey Beyond Separation: A Tale of the Observer and the Observed from Krishnamurti’s insights
Once in a village nestled between the mountains and the sea, there lived a young man named Arjun. Arjun was a seeker of truth, always inquisitive and eager to understand the deeper mysteries of life. He spent his days contemplating the nature of existence, and his nights were filled with vivid dreams that seemed to offer glimpses into another realm.
One day, as Arjun sat beneath a sprawling banyan tree, he found himself pondering the nature of the observer and the observed. He thought about the way he saw the world around him, and the way he experienced his own thoughts and emotions. Arjun wondered why there always seemed to be a sense of separation between the observer – the one who experiences – and the observed – the experience itself.
As he meditated on this question, a wise old sage appeared before him. The sage, sensing Arjun’s confusion, offered to share his knowledge of the observer and the observed. With a warm smile, he began to tell Arjun a story.
“Once upon a time,” the sage said, “there was a great kingdom ruled by two powerful beings – the Observer and the Observed. The kingdom was vast, encompassing all the thoughts, emotions, and sensations that anyone could ever experience. The Observer was the ruler of this kingdom, watching over everything, while the Observed was the manifestation of every experience, taking countless forms.
The Observer and the Observed existed in a state of harmony, their existence intertwined like the roots of the banyan tree beneath which you sit. But as time went on, they began to drift apart. The Observer became more and more detached, watching from a distance, while the Observed grew increasingly fragmented, its experiences becoming more diverse and complex.
This separation led to the rise of a great wall, dividing the once-unified kingdom into two distinct realms. On one side of the wall, the Observer resided, detached and distant, while on the other side, the Observed continued to manifest in myriad forms, each one disconnected from the others.
Arjun, captivated by the story, asked the sage, “But why did they drift apart? What caused the separation between the Observer and the Observed?”
The sage replied, “The separation began when the Observer started to identify with its own thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Instead of seeing itself as an inseparable part of the whole, it began to believe that it was separate, distinct from the Observed. This belief created a false sense of identity, a sense of ‘I’ that became the root of all division and conflict.”
Arjun’s eyes widened as he realized the implications of the sage’s words. “So, the separation between the Observer and the Observed is an illusion, created by our own minds?”
The sage nodded. “Yes, Arjun. The true nature of the Observer and the Observed is one of unity, not division. To transcend this illusion, you must embark on a journey of self-discovery. You must turn your attention inward and observe your own thoughts, emotions, and sensations without judgment or attachment. Through this process of choiceless observation, you will begin to dissolve the wall that separates the Observer and the Observed.”
Arjun thanked the sage for his wisdom and set out on a journey to explore the depths of his own mind. Through years of diligent self-inquiry and observation, he began to see the interconnectedness of all things and the illusory nature of the separation between the Observer and the Observed.
And as the wall of separation crumbled, Arjun discovered a profound sense of peace, freedom, and wholeness that transcended all limitations. In this state of unity, he finally understood the true essence of existence and the boundless potential of the human spirit.
As the years passed, Arjun became a wise and compassionate teacher, guiding others on their own journeys of self-discovery. He shared the story of the Observer and the Observed with all who sought his counsel, reminding them of the illusion of separation and the unity that lies at the heart of existence.
In time, the message of unity spread throughout the land, and people from all walks of life began to embrace the wisdom of the Observer and the Observed. They learned to look within, to observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment, and to recognize the interconnected nature of all things.
The kingdom, once divided by the great wall of separation, was reunited, and harmony reigned once more. The Observer and the Observed, no longer divided, danced together in an eternal celebration of life, free from the shackles of illusion.
And so, the legacy of Arjun and the wisdom of the Observer and the Observed lived on, passed down from generation to generation, as a reminder that the true nature of existence lies not in division and conflict but in unity and harmony.
In this tale of the Observer and the Observed, we are reminded to look within, to examine our own minds and the divisions we create. Through choiceless observation and self-inquiry, we can begin to dissolve the illusion of separation, embracing the unity and interconnectedness that is our true nature.
As we embark on our own journeys of self-discovery, may we, like Arjun, find the wisdom to transcend the limitations of the conditioned mind and the courage to share this understanding with others, fostering a world in which the harmony of the Observer and the Observed reigns supreme.
Abhishek Fanse 